Breaking the silence on miscarriages – #StillAMum

Posted: October 15, 2015 in Uncategorized

StillAMum

Imagine carrying a baby for 30 weeks then one evening, labor pains come and even though it seems too early you (or your wife) packs the baby’s clothes and head to the hospital. The doctor checks you out and realizes there is no fetal movement – trying not to raise an alarm he orders an ultra sound. The look from the lady doing the ultra sound is not reassuring either – you know something is wrong…the doctor calls in your partner and together he breaks the news to you that the baby is not going to come out alive. That was an experience my wife and I went through early this year.

“Every woman who carries a pregnancy expects to receive her bundle of joy after 9 months. Sometimes, however, matters beyond her control make it impossible for her to do so, and her anticipation for a baby is instead clouded with loss of the pregnancy and feelings of hopelessness thereafter.”  – BAKE Blog

This though is not a less common problem, Wanjiru Kihusa – the founder of Still A Mum lost a pregnancy herself. The experience she went through made her reach out to people who are suffering in silence. In our case she reached out to us too, and talking to her gave my wife some comfort. This though is not about me or my wife – this is about the 4.2 million women who suffer miscarriages every year in Africa yet nobody talks about this monster. Apart from the loss of the baby and the painful medical procedures , these women have to live with stigma and the feeling of being less humans. Today is the World Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day – we are basically breaking the silence on miscarriages. Having talked to a lot of women suffering in silence, Wanjiru Kishusa tells us how we can be of help to those suffering around us in silence.

More than ready – Still a Mum from Chatterbox Stories on Vimeo.

Before you can help someone dealing with miscarriage and child loss, you need to understand grief. Death is devastating #StillAMum — Still A Mum (@StillAMumKE) October 15, 2015

  Grief is more complicated that we imagine. To help someone who has lost a child, don’t rush them. #StillAMum pic.twitter.com/pALhtOK750 — Still A Mum (@StillAMumKE) October 15, 2015

So how can you help someone who has lost a baby? The Next series of tweets will be very important:

If you do not know anything about miscarriages or what could have caused it, this is a good time to shut up. An author Known as Will Rodgers once said “never miss an opportunity to shut up.” This is one of the moments that following his advice will actually be a very smart move.

“How come you people have been together for three years but you don’t have kids, what are you waiting for?” You don’t know why couples do not have kids or what they would do to have kids. Not all people who don’t have kids are so because of choice. Not everyone will tell you their miscarriage story, so it helps minding your own business or just shutting up if you don’t have better questions to ask.

Imagine going through all the motions of pregnancy, hearing the baby’s hear beat…the kicks. Isn’t that a real person? The planning as couples wait for the baby’s arrival. Buying clothes and pampers, ensuring they have the correct medical insurance plan, deciding baby names then the baby comes out dead and for some reason you think they do not deserve to grieve because the baby was not real?

Do not play guest…help with whatever you can. She is probably both mentally and physically exhausted.

Something you also need to do around someone who has lost a baby or a pregnancy is watch what you say. If you are not going to shut up there are things you just cannot say.

Which God will want to put somebody through pain?

So how much time does one need to get over the loss of a baby?

How common are miscarriages, you might ask:

So next time someone has a miscarriage you will know how to do.

Tweets courtesy of @WanjiruKihusa and @StillAMum on twitter.

Follow me on twitter @IamOminde

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